Supah Stahz,
I was sitting in a training class today (ironically about leadership) and we were discussing listening techniques... there happen to be 3 that we covered:
Competitive: listening, but only to get yourself heard or not taking it all in and quickly making judgements
Passive: not really listening; easily distracted by anything including email, phone calls, shiny objects, etc
Active: Actively listening to the conversation and asking questions, making eye contact, not distracted, etc.
Active is the ideal listening technique and I realized at times I have been all three.
The passive listening technique seems to be the most detrimental to your employee(s) and it commonly occurs from the technology around you; phone, email, blackberry, instant messaging... While we all can't imagine a world without email and the Internet; have we lost the ability to pick up the phone or talk to someone face to face instead of relying on these e-communication means... so much in fact that we cant dedicate and focus our attention on the person in front of us?
We've recently installed software that I have referred to as "The coolest thing since sliced bread". It allows me to communicate more effectively with my team and people within organization. It's a chat tool that also will tell you when someone is at their desk, away from their desk, in a meeting, on a call, etc. It's showing their 'Presence'. Sounds cool right? I spent the afternoon in 5 chat sessions and only one of them was relevant to work. The other were distractions, noise, and it took me away from focusing on the conversation I needed to have with one of my team members.
I'm curious if you all have similar distractions at work and how you work to be an Active listener and not let technology get in the way?
Someone in class said they stand up when they are on the phone with their back to their computer.... extreme? or a sign of the times?!
Let me know what you all think,
Joe Pelle
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10 comments:
I must admit that I have had to, at times, make a concerted effort not to pay attention to my computer when someone calls on the phone. It has even happened when someone is speaking with me while sitting right next to me at my desk.
Somehow it seems that when an e-mail shows up, I automatically want to answer it immediately, if possible. It's almost an obsession.
Of course, I was the same way before the e-mail era. I hated to see something in my in-box. I wanted it off my desk as soon as possible.
While I like the convenience of a cell phone, I think it has made my life more stressful because I no longer can be assured of any downtime. I used to be able to count on some quiet time while driving to a meeting, or to and from work. Not so anymore. I would hate to see what a Blackberry would do to me.
I also agree that all these electronic forms of communication have made the world a less personal place. I love human interaction, and I believe that we are becoming less relational because them.
Sometimes I think all this 'progress' is actually hindering our quality of life.
Above comment posted by
John
Listening is almost an art form, we all listen to so much in our daily lives that we tend to tune out alot of what we hear. This becomes a selective process of hearing things but not really listening, such as the passive mode described. Often times we find ourselves in the competitive mode, trying to get our point accross while selectively listening to only what we want to hear that supports our own thoughts. Active listening is probably the least utilized because we all get caught up in our own little world and tend to filter what we hear in order to keep our world intact and not have to think too much about what the other person is really thinking, feeling or trying to convey. We all need to become better active listeners in order to communicate more effectively, understanding the other's point of view, taking that understanding and expanding our interaction to get things done more efficiently with less clutter and distraction.
Gary
I must confess to having used all three, at times fully aware of what type of listening I was practicing....Have you ever had that person who will just not stop yammering on about whatever? The best non-verbal message to them can be using competitive, or passive listening! With that said; it is a tactic to use only on the rare occassions.
I am guilty of standing up to speak to someone; but unfortunately that can send the message that you "don't have time to sit and listen"; when I am actually standing to focus my attention away from the computer/phone. I spend so much time listening, that I find myself taking people into our conference room, and sitting in a more personal manner, across a small table rather then my desk, having a cup of coffee and giving them my full attention. I try to do this with my department heads at least 3-4 times per week, and daily with my HR/and Director of Nursing. These "chats" give us each time to focus, and take the "role" away from the conversation. I also do walking visits daily with staff. How a leader listens is critical in getting your staff to follow and believe in your message. The down side; is that some days you can come home and want nothing other then to not speak or listen to one more conversation.
I do believe that technology has changed our habits of communication. I especially blame email, and typed conversations. If you are not comfortable with personal face to face conversations it is easier to type the message then give it in person. Unfortunately, it can be viewed as the "cowardly" way to give information.
I prefer the face to face conversations; however I find myself using the typed and written message more and more as I get busier in my work roles and my available time to converse is limited.
Jana
I'm a very attentive listener, that is when I want to be. I think we can all say that. I try and give my staff my undivided attention and therefore turn my back on my computer while I'm in a one on one meeting.
When I've had enough or am bored, I then tend to check my inbox. I know that I'm being rude but with meeting after meeting, there is only so much time in the day. I have found that I do better listening if I meet in the conference room away from my computer.
I know I can do a better job. Another bad habit I have is when I'm done talking, I'll stand up. That really sends a message.
(And I wonder why I'm receiving letters)
Mariann
Unfortunately we're often passive listeners with those we should value most. Just as I logged into the blog I got a call from a friend who announced she was a new grandmother. Instead of listening to her describe the size of the baby I was distracted by the blog, somehow thinking that was more important at that moment. It's important, but I should have given my attention to my friend.
Young kids want attention all the time. Is it ok to be a passive listener when you're also trying to prepare dinner?
Competitive listening I find happens most often in meetings with a large group, especially when not well moderated. Everyone has an opinion and can't wait to express it. Nothing gets done because noone agrees because they haven't listened.
At least when one or two people are in my office I have my back to the computer in order to give them my full attention.
If communication isn't two way, it's just noise.
supah stah jan
Grrr...I just typed out an entire response and lost it when I tried to publish it...I love technology.
I believe we are all saying the same thing. We use all 3 types of listening. I think slipping into the passive type is because we are overworked. With deadlines, multi-tasking, reduced staff and more work, period, we try to do too many things in an effort to maximize our time.
I have been conscience of needing to listen actively to my team. As a new leader one way to gain trust was to show them I was listening and not just giving them "lip service". By listening and following through with suggestions they have made, I feel I have been successful in gaining trust through listening.
Listening is a skill that can be learned. As such, I would like to see a class or two devoted to the topic of "listening" during some class in this program. We don't only actively listen with our ears but with our eyes as well. By concentrating on the person you are able to pick up the subtle body cues you would otherwise miss by looking at the computer.
Margaret
The biggest distractions at work from technology are e-mail, and internal, direct phone calls. My biggest distraction used to be my cell phone. Co-workers would actually call my cell or text me if they knew I wasn’t answering my direct line. That problem is solved because I lost that phone and I’m not telling anybody my new number. That may be viewed as extreme but I feel that I became way to accessible. There are plenty of other ways to reach me. My cell number has now been given out to my friends, family, and classmates….of course.
About a year ago I took a time management class offered by AAA, and what that class taught me was to schedule your distractions. I mentioned e-mail and phone calls as being my biggest distraction so the class taught that you should schedule the times you’re going to read the e-mail or answer the phone. That made a lot of sense to me because I know I hate when I get in a groove with work and a series of e-mail or phone calls come in to break up any production momentum gained. It is in our best interest to manage technology and not let technology manage us.
As far as listening I try to be an active listener to anybody that I speak to. I have to maintain this because I have 20 Supervisors, 4 Operations Managers, and 3 Directors that may approach me and want my attention. If the conversation seems to be going nowhere then I try to control the conversation and end it politely when I get the information I need. I’m kind of a freak when it comes to listening to people because I like dealing in every day work situations with people. I also enjoy the human interaction instead of always communicating through technological advancements.
Chris
"Ahem" ya'll....
I will try not to repeat everything that has already been posted, but I believe there is more to this than being an "active listener" but expands to the scope of being an "active participant" as well. (BTW...I could go on and on this topic forever...shocking!!!)
I think we hit on this at some point or another earlier in the semester discussing how some of the generations simply are not satisfied unlesss they are constantly stimulated by doing something (e-mail, blackberry, IM, etc).
In my organization, most employees have laptops and they carry them everywhere whether they need them or not. What I witness during meetings is at times blatantantly disrespectful behavior, as there are individuals who are so addicted to their technology that they make no eye contact with anyone in the room because they are constantly on their laptops (email, IM, etc). I have seen individuals open up spreadsheets and literally just click in excel cells just to be doing something with the laptop. Questions in meetings are often met with "I'm sorry can you repeat that?" This creates an environment where most are not focused, meetings take longer, and/or individuals are completely disengaged (amongst other things).
One division has started a "check the tech" campaign in an effort to have meeting participants "be here now." It was "popular" for a few of weeks, but only a few continue to respect the request despite posters, etc. Better yet, we have folks that are in the same building but will dial in to the conference bridge line (intended for folks at other locations) so that they can multitask (e-mail, IM, cell phone, leave their office, etc.) while they are supposed to be engaged in a meeting.
Personally, I make every effort to not take my laptop to meetings unless I need it to view documents (I keep it closed unless I do need to open something). When someone is in my office, I forward my phone (or ignore completely if it rings), and completely turn my back to my desk leaving all distractions "behind" me so that I can attempt to be an active listener.
I admit that I am guilty of multitasking during conference calls if I am in my office. I further admit that I know that I do miss points in the conversation while multitasking because I am otherwise occupied as a result of technology.
Personally, we survived without all of the gadgets (how did we ever manage not turning on our cell phone the minute the plane landed to call people to tell them "the plane landed"????? Not to mention they can find that out via tracker boards in the arport or online updates.
I think we have gone beyond multitasking (which many studies have shown to be ineffective, even if you think you are good at it you really aren't) to demonstrating rudeness and in many cases a complete lack of regard for whatever else it is we should be paying attention to.
I hope to see managers and leaders embrace active listening and active participation. It would be a beautiful thing to go back to the days when you made eye contact and folks knew you are listening. I don't want to give up the convenience of e-mail, etc., but we can certainly remember the value of quiet reflection (and thought!!!), exercising true two way communication, and demonstrating respect to those who have taken the time and effort to prepare for a meeting by being "there" and not in 3 other places via "tech world."
Melissa
June 10, 2007
(edited June 11, 2007)
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